Legacy Youth Ministry Resources

Illustration texts

Blasted Bran Muffins

"An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one patterned after the greatest golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?". Peter replies, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free! Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!" You see, if we really understood the wonders of heaven, we'd understand how the apostle Paul could say that to die and go to heaven would be much better than to live. (Phil. 1:23)

Those Blasted Bran Muffins

"An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one patterned after the greatest golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?". Peter replies, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free! Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!" You see, if we really understood the wonders of heaven, we'd understand how the apostle Paul could say that to die and go to heaven would be much better than to live. (Phil. 1:23)

Ashamed to Die

A man knew that he was close to death, and seemed troubled. Someone told him not to be afraid, assuring him that as a Christian and would go to heaven. He replied that he knew he was a Christian, but that he hadn't lived for God. He said, "I'm not afraid to die; I'm ashamed to die."

Americans and Heaven

Americans want to go to heaven without dying. James Thurber

If God Invented Sex?

Knowing that God invented sex, I'd like to see what He's working on now!

Final Destination: Heaven

Corrie ten Boom, who survived one of Hitler's death camps, spent the rest of her days serving Jesus, often travelling and telling people of Jesus wherever she went. In her book, "Tramp For The Lord," she tells of purchasing a ticket for a trip with stops in Hong Kong, Sydney, Auckland, Cape Town, Tel Aviv and Amsterdam. 'The travel agent asked, "What is your final destination?" "Heaven," I answered simply. ?My last stop on my first trip to the Orient was Formosa. It was time for me to move on so I went to the travel agency in Taipei and gave the girl a list of all the places I needed to go on the next leg of my journey. Hong Kong, Sydney, Auckland, then back to Sydney, on to Cape Town, Tel Aviv and finally to Amsterdam. The travel agent wrote it all down and then asked, ?What is your final destination?? ?Heaven,? I answered simply. She gave me a puzzled look. ?How do you spell that?? ?H-E-A-V-E-N,? I spelled out slowly. After she had written id down she sat looking at the paper. At last she looked up. ?Oh, now I understand,? she said with a smile. ?But I did not mean that.? ?But I meant it,? I said. ?And you do not need to write it down because I already have my ticket.? ?You have a ticket to heaven?? she asked, astonished. ?How did you receive it?? ?About two thousand years ago,? I said, noting her genuine interest, ?there was One who bought my ticket for me. I only had to accept it from Him. His name is Jesus. He paid my fare when He died on the cross for my sins.? A Chinese clerk, working at the next desk, overheard our conversation and joined in. ?What the old woman says is true.? he told his companion.' Then the Chinese man shared his testimony. Turning back to the other clerk, I said, ?When you do not have a reservation for a seat on the plane, and try to get aboard, you face difficulty. But when you do not have a place reserved for you in heaven, and the time comes for you to go, you end up in far greater difficulty. I hope my young brother here will not rest until you have made your reservation in heaven.? (Corrie ten Boom, Tramp for the Lord, pp. 86-87)

Heaven Help the Christians

?Eighty-five percent of the relationships depicted on television are illicit. I don?t think we?re ever going to change the fact that if we consumers pay for dreck, it will be made.? ?In Hollywood, you could be a Buddhist, you could be a Scientologist and that was perfectly acceptable. But God help you if you said ?Jesus Christ?, other than in a swear word.? - Actress Jennifer O?Neill, AP wire, April 17, 13:02 ET

Socrates on Heaven

Four hundred years before the birth of Christ, Socrates, the great Greek philosopher, drank the poison hemlock and lay down to die. ?Shall we live again?? his friends asked. The dying philosopher, who had thought deeply about life, could only reply, ?I hope so. No man can know.? You see, unless God tells us what awaits us on the other side of death's door, we're doomed to uncertainty about eternity. Four hundred years after Socrates death, God revealed Himself to mankind through His Son, Jesus Christ. Now we can know with certainty that God has opened heaven's door for us.

Woody Allen on Achieving Immortality

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. -- Woody Allen

Nobody Wants to Die

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die - Bumper Sticker

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