Legacy Youth Ministry Resources

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Look for Character

If you were to open a package and find $1,000.00 inside, I doubt you'd complain about the package appearing rather plain. Yet, lots of people prefer pretty, but empty packages when it comes to dating. Maybe it's the peer pressure to date a certain type person. Maybe it's infatuation over the package. But once you get to know a million dollar person, I'll guarantee you that the wrapping that you first saw as plain will appear beautiful with time. ? Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved

How Culture Defines Beauty

A Cross-cultural perspective: So much of how we define beauty is a part of our culture and upbringing. Today, models have taught us that skinny is beautiful. But look at the movie stars of a former generation, and many of them would be considered overweight by today's standards. In one tribe, the men are attracted to the fattest women. A 25-year-old member of an Ethiopian tribe said that he was thinking of marrying. He said, "I may fight a duel and try to knock another man off his feet with a long stick. If I win, I can choose a wife from all the young women present at the duel. I want the girl with the biggest plate in her lower lip." (SIM Now, Winter, '97)

Look Beyond Physical Beauty

If physical beauty alone could hold a marriage together, then many actors and actresses should have the ideal marriages. But do they? How many actors or actresses can you name that keep failing at marriage? (Let some youth share.) But their marriages seem to fare no better, probably worse, than the rest of the population. Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, veteran of eight marriages (latest count by November, 1995), said that "getting married is just the first step toward getting divorced." (People, Nov. 13, 1995, p. 120). This observation makes me want to look beyond physical beauty in seeking a marriage that will last. ? Copyright 2002 Steve Miller - All Rights Reserved

Run after Jesus

Christi, a strong Romanian believer, took a godly approach to finding a wife who shared his zeal for God. In Christi?s own words, ??there is one way to simplify things. If you are thrilled with Jesus and start running to Him, don?t look left or right (looking for a wife), but rather straight at Him, and run as hard as you can. Then, when you cannot run any harder, look left or right, to find the only person running in the same direction as you and who has the same goals.? So as Christi sprinted after Christ, he noticed a girl named Anca running the same pace. They developed a friendship and later became engaged. (From Reach Out Ministries newsletter.)

Setting Standards

Here?s a dating standard someone set: "Don't unzip. Don't unbutton. Don't pull up. Don't pull down. Keep your hands to yourself. Keep your tongue in your own mouth!"

Rules for Dating My Daughter

One underrated motivation for guys to not go too far physically on dates: her father. Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful,like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. W. Bruce Cameron is a nationally syndicated humor writer. His book, "The 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter" is now available in bookstores and from his web site www.wbrucecameron.com. He loves to hear from his readers, write him at bruce@wbrucecameron.com . To subscribe to his free newsletter, send a message to thecameroncolumn-on@lists.webvalence.com

Kids' Views on Love, Sex and Dating

Kids' Views on Love, Sex and Dating HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports,she should like it that you like sports,and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10 "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE BEST AGE TO MARRY? "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10 "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6 "You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? "Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8 "On the first date, they just tell each other lies,and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? "I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE? "When they're rich." Pam, age 7 "The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7 "The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? "I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out." Theodore, age 8 "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, age 9 "Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." Kirsten, age 10 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8 "You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7 HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? "If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it." Lori, age 8 "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10 Tips on love by kids age 5-10. WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED? Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5) WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10) CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE: No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deoderant are so popular." (Jan, 9) ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE: Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9) If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7) ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE: ?If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8) ?It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7) "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9) CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS: ?They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8) CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE: ?I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita,6) ?Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8) ?I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10) THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER: ?One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8) SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU: ?Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9) ?One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9) WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU" ?The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle,9) HOW TO MAKE LOVE LAST: ?Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7) ?Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy, 8) (From the internet)

Kids' Views on Love, Sex and Dating

Kids' Views on Love, Sex and Dating HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports,she should like it that you like sports,and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10 "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE BEST AGE TO MARRY? "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10 "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6 "You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? "Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8 "On the first date, they just tell each other lies,and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? "I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE? "When they're rich." Pam, age 7 "The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7 "The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? "I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out." Theodore, age 8 "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, age 9 "Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." Kirsten, age 10 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8 "You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7 HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? "If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it." Lori, age 8 "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10 Tips on love by kids age 5-10. WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED? Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5) WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10) CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE: No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deoderant are so popular." (Jan, 9) ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE: Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9) If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7) ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE: ?If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8) ?It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7) "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9) CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS: ?They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8) CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE: ?I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita,6) ?Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8) ?I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10) THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER: ?One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8) SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU: ?Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9) ?One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9) WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU" ?The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle,9) HOW TO MAKE LOVE LAST: ?Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7) ?Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy, 8) What Kids Say (a book)

Distinguishing Love from Infatuation

Youth leaders: Take this quote and substitute famous people with which your youth would be familiar. What?s the difference between infatuation and love? Infatuation is when you think that he?s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Stephen Hawking, as noble as Aleksandr Solhenitsyn, as funny as Robin Williams, and as athletic as Arnold Swartzenegger. Love is when you realize he?s as sexy as Stephen Hawking, as smart as Arnold Swartzenegger, as funny as Aleksandr Solhenitsyn, as athletic as Robin Williams, and nothing at all like Robert Redford, but you take him anyway.

Kids on Making Love Endure

How to make love endure: ?Don?t forget your wife?s name. That?ll mess up the love.? -- Age 8 ?Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.? -- Age 8 ?If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don?t want to do it. It takes too long.? -- Age 7 ?Shake your hips and hope for the best.? -- Age 9 I?m not rushing into love. Fourth grade is hard enough. -- Age 10

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